Can I be really honest for a minute?
I feel like I'm falling apart this week.
Let's backtrack a little bit. Friday morning I got up extra early, snuggled Luke extra tight and then headed off to DC for a quick overnight trip. I went to Ikea, hosted a Thirty-One party, stayed up until 1:30am girl talking and attended a baby shower for a sweet friend expecting her first. It was great! I got home Saturday night in time to kiss Luke & snuggle him before bed. My mini mama getaway couldn't have been better.
Then the "work week" hits. The fun of the weekend is over and I'm forced to face the reality that I have bags to unpack, a house to clean, groceries to buy and some extra pounds to work off. oh and don't let me forget to mention that Luke is teething and has been...well...cantankerous to say the least. My house is a wreck, and with a busy toddler into everything, each room I tidy up is quickly replaced with another cleaning job. And then there's this little gem I call my blog, something I was feeling good about last week. Now that I've got my first sponsor it seems like nobody is reading or even entering her sweet giveaway.
So yesterday I said that I just wanted to quit.
I wanted to quit this stay-at-home mom thing with it's seemingly impossible duties and just "go back to work." to a classroom where I know I can be productive. to a place where I know I'm useful. to a space where I'm received well. I wanted to go back to the old life where I was in control and I could meet my own needs. I felt like I was failing in my current season of life and wanted to go back to a season where I hadn't felt failure.
(do you see where this is going?)
It's a hard reality sometimes to accept the fact that this season of life isn't what you had imagined. Even harder to say that about motherhood, something people just assume comes easy. Stay-at-home moms are a rare breed, and though there are many challenging careers out there, I'm convinced this is the hardest job in the world. And not just because I'm having a hard time right now.
Stay-at-home moms are in perpetual motion, never getting a break from the daily rigors of our job. There's no "lunch break" or "planning period;" instead, a trip to the bathroom is our release. (no pun intended) There's an assumption that because we're home all day, we're in charge of everything in the home: the errands, the cooking, the cleaning, oh AND that little thing called child-rearing. There's a sacrifice that comes with staying home for our family specifically. We've sacrificed eating out and date nights, vacations and "fun" money for this one-income household. And sometimes I'd give anything to go back to work and get my old life back. I'd love to have my old budget back and be able to take a trip to Michael's for craft supplies at the drop of a hat. But we have chosen to trade the comfort of a dual-income household so I can have this opportunity. this gift of calling myself a stay-at-home mom.
"For everything this is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in it's time."
It's a hard job. And right now, I'm in a season of discouragement. But I know that there's a season of laughter ahead. Though I'm breaking down now, I know this time will build me up for the challenges I'll face in the future. Though I'm mourning my old ways today, I know this is a special dance in the book of my life.
Yes the weeping and mourning and breaking down is hard.
But it's a season.
And the gains from this temporary season will far outweigh it's struggles.
be encouraged lil mama