honesty is the best policy
>> 1.16.2013 –
Be encouraged,
Faith,
Motherhood,
parenthood
Can I be really honest for a minute?
I feel like I'm falling apart this week.
Let's backtrack a little bit. Friday morning I got up extra early, snuggled Luke extra tight and then headed off to DC for a quick overnight trip. I went to Ikea, hosted a Thirty-One party, stayed up until 1:30am girl talking and attended a baby shower for a sweet friend expecting her first. It was great! I got home Saturday night in time to kiss Luke & snuggle him before bed. My mini mama getaway couldn't have been better.
Then the "work week" hits. The fun of the weekend is over and I'm forced to face the reality that I have bags to unpack, a house to clean, groceries to buy and some extra pounds to work off. oh and don't let me forget to mention that Luke is teething and has been...well...cantankerous to say the least. My house is a wreck, and with a busy toddler into everything, each room I tidy up is quickly replaced with another cleaning job. And then there's this little gem I call my blog, something I was feeling good about last week. Now that I've got my first sponsor it seems like nobody is reading or even entering her sweet giveaway.
So yesterday I said that I just wanted to quit.
I wanted to quit this stay-at-home mom thing with it's seemingly impossible duties and just "go back to work." to a classroom where I know I can be productive. to a place where I know I'm useful. to a space where I'm received well. I wanted to go back to the old life where I was in control and I could meet my own needs. I felt like I was failing in my current season of life and wanted to go back to a season where I hadn't felt failure.
(do you see where this is going?)
It's a hard reality sometimes to accept the fact that this season of life isn't what you had imagined. Even harder to say that about motherhood, something people just assume comes easy. Stay-at-home moms are a rare breed, and though there are many challenging careers out there, I'm convinced this is the hardest job in the world. And not just because I'm having a hard time right now.
Stay-at-home moms are in perpetual motion, never getting a break from the daily rigors of our job. There's no "lunch break" or "planning period;" instead, a trip to the bathroom is our release. (no pun intended) There's an assumption that because we're home all day, we're in charge of everything in the home: the errands, the cooking, the cleaning, oh AND that little thing called child-rearing. There's a sacrifice that comes with staying home for our family specifically. We've sacrificed eating out and date nights, vacations and "fun" money for this one-income household. And sometimes I'd give anything to go back to work and get my old life back. I'd love to have my old budget back and be able to take a trip to Michael's for craft supplies at the drop of a hat. But we have chosen to trade the comfort of a dual-income household so I can have this opportunity. this gift of calling myself a stay-at-home mom.
---
"For everything this is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in it's time."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
It's a hard job. And right now, I'm in a season of discouragement. But I know that there's a season of laughter ahead. Though I'm breaking down now, I know this time will build me up for the challenges I'll face in the future. Though I'm mourning my old ways today, I know this is a special dance in the book of my life.
Yes the weeping and mourning and breaking down is hard.
But it's a season.
And the gains from this temporary season will far outweigh it's struggles.
be encouraged lil mama
:)
Stay strong! And you are not alone. I flipped my lid the other night upon starting what I call my "second shift" of work. My poor kids and husband. And I entered the giveaway but my post disappeared. I figure it was deleted because I am already a purchaser?
I love this post.
I've been having issues being a stay-at-home mom lately, too.
Eloise has been so hard, and by the end of the day I feel so deflated and just want my old life back. Though, if given the chance, I could never really go through with it!
It sounds awful, but I am so glad I'm not alone in my feelings.
Thanks for being so honest.
Oh girl. I KNOW. Even just with my transition to working part-time, I feel the same thing so often. Just yesterday I was thinking about how true it is that "a mother's work is never done" and that it is impossible to ever "get ahead" in the work of parenting and keeping a house. It is SO easy to get discouraged.
Also, for what it's worth, I've been reading a bunch of blogs recently saying that they are feeling discouraged about blogging. I wonder what is in the air? I feel it too a little bit. Hang in there and just keeping trucking. You are right... This too shall pass. :)
Going to enter your giveaway now. ;)
Just wanted to say that I'm reading (and usually always do, but just haven't ever left a comment) :) Though I'm not a stay at home mom (but so, so, so wish that I could be), it sounds like you do a great job, even when the days or weeks are arduous, frustrating and difficult!
P.S. I just realized as I'm sitting here at work, counting down the minutes until lunch time that I have a Thirty One lunch bag... and I love it!
Ashley :(
Aww.. I'm feeling for you right now. It IS hard. Would you ever consider going back to work? As a teacher (too) I always think its nice that at least we have the whole summer off to be stay-at-home mommas.
Hoping you are peaceful and sending positive thoughts your way! XoX
I am a stay-at-home Momma, used to be teacher too. I often wonder how I was able to manage 20+ kids during the day, when I am struggling to manage just one! Hang in there and thank you for being so honest!!
Oh sweetie. HUGS.
I could have written this post, myself. Like 100 times over.
IT IS HARD. It's so hard. I had NO CLUE that being a SAHM would give me the emotions that it does. Both good and bad.
I can sit here and tell you how much easier it will get for you in the next year because L will start to play differently, and sadly, not "need" you as much. But because it's not RIGHT NOW. I know it sounds like something so far away.
And once they start Mom's day out/preschool - it really helps refresh you as a mama. You get time ALONE. No baby, no husband. Just you. And your thoughts.
I do sometimes think of going back to work. I think about this on days when I feel like less than the mama/wife than Trey & JD deserve.
Then I think back to when my mom stayed home with me as a child. I don't remember a lot of it, as our kids won't. But have you ever read this quote?
“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
That's what our boys will remember. Every nap time that they are tucked in, every boo-boo kissed, every book that we read to them makes them feel this way. They won't remember that our homes weren't perfectly decorated and clean at every moment, or that our chicken was a little overcooked last night. And that makes it all worth it. I really hope your week gets better!!! If you need to chat text me!!
xoxo
Wish we could hang out. I'm having a rough day too!
Why is it when we have a great weekend, the week seems so hard? I would recommend putting Luke in mothers day out so u can get a few hours to urself.. Happy momma makes happy baby!
Hey girl! Encouraging post! Give me a call if you want and can get out with Luke. I am so glad your trip to D.C. was a great time of refreshing! I prayed you would feel renewed when you returned!
i was just walking with a good friend and told her that when my husband told me he had a 7am breakfast meeting that i just got SO discouraged. he's usually out of the house by 7:30am anyway, but the thought of being alone with my guy from 6:30am to 6ish p.m. just made me feel SO overwhelmed!
it IS a hard job, and i feel like i so often get trapped in pity parties rather than looking at God's goodness and his blessings.
it's always helpful to know you're not the only one though. :)
You are a great mom and I'm sure Luke would agree! I can only imagine the nonstopness (we're calling that a word just so you know) of being a stay at home mom. Keep celebrating the little things.
It was so good to see you this weekend and thank you SO much for all of your help in putting together a beautiful baby shower. This little boy sure is loved already :)
I love your blog for this reason, your realness. For the assurance that I'm not the only overwhelmed person out there. We haven't even had a chance to have our babies yet, but sometimes just taking care of us and our home is way too demanding. When I'm at home on days off and have to clean the entire house, laundry, etc- I get so discouraged. Like feminism burn the bra moments, to being grumpy towards the hubs, to not wanting to be stuck in and having to because of the budget. We've all had those moments. I know I'll have them in motherhood and it's so wonderful to hear them from you first to affirm that it's okay